Sunday, July 8, 2012
Go
I want to go to Africa. I want to change someone's life. I want to be a light. I want to hold an orphan. I want to see the effects of the diseases that run rampant and kill so many. I want to a tool. I want to be salty. I want to be a disciple. I want to feel the heat of the African sun burning my skin. I want to feel the hard ground that the Africans sleep on. I want to learn. I want to teach. I want to love.
I want to go <3
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
hugs from Jesus
I wish I had a button where I could just record my thoughts and some computer program would type them up for me. Because I'd have a hell of a lot more blogs if I didn't have to waste my time to type them up. And its funny, because of the bus system I have a lot of wasted time which translates to a lot of thinking. And it would translate to a lot of blogging if I wasn't so lazy. Haha
But I have a few typed up on my phone. But only one was ever finished and actually got posted. Its my favorite blog I've written so far with the exception of my amazing grace one I wrote two years ago
I look back and think of why I started the blog. It was actually the day my mom went into rehab. And I wanted an online way to vent my frustrations. I never finished that first blog because my anger was endless. I could have spent hours and nothing would have ever completed it. I posted a blog about my feelings towards my moms sobriety and a paper that I wrote based on it. My life has been affected greatly because of my moms sobriety. I know that God used her life to help shape mine and its so weird to look back on the things that have changed because she picked us over her addiction.
Its funny how my attitude has changed toward that last sentence in the last few years. When mom first got sober I almost held it over her head that she had to choose between us and her drugs. Like, in my mind there is no choice whatsoever, and you shouldn't have to even think twice. I mean, family comes first always. But I'm not an alcoholic so I don't know how those thoughts affected her. Because in her mind there had to be something pretty damn powerful to get her to put down that pipe. And now I can look at that time of reflection in her life and smile. Because I was powerful enough to get her to put it down. Makayla was powerful enough. Dad was powerful enough. But most of all God is and always will be powerful enough to help mom conquer her demons.
Because of that decision I found God. I mean, I'm sure I would have found Jesus eventually, it was obviously in His plan for me to find Him. But that one decision my mom made has changed my life drastically. Its funny, because the moments directly after that decision was made are often overlooked when I tell my testimony. See, right after mom made that decision Dad asked me to pray with him. And we prayed for mom. We prayed with tears streaming down our faces and after they left I listened to Dear God by Nick Jonas on repeat for over an hour. Because I needed something to cling to and I leaned on Jesus before I even knew that I loved him.
That's a moment I think of often. Whenever I'm feeling lost or lonely or broken. I think of that first hug I got from God before I even knew I could get hugs from him daily.
I guess the point of my thoughts is that I may be lost and I may be broken and I may not know what the heck I'm doing right now. But God is there willing to lend a hug. Willing to be my shoulder to cry. Willing to give me advice and show me the way. Because even when I don't know that I can, he's always there reaching for a hug.
But I have a few typed up on my phone. But only one was ever finished and actually got posted. Its my favorite blog I've written so far with the exception of my amazing grace one I wrote two years ago
I look back and think of why I started the blog. It was actually the day my mom went into rehab. And I wanted an online way to vent my frustrations. I never finished that first blog because my anger was endless. I could have spent hours and nothing would have ever completed it. I posted a blog about my feelings towards my moms sobriety and a paper that I wrote based on it. My life has been affected greatly because of my moms sobriety. I know that God used her life to help shape mine and its so weird to look back on the things that have changed because she picked us over her addiction.
Its funny how my attitude has changed toward that last sentence in the last few years. When mom first got sober I almost held it over her head that she had to choose between us and her drugs. Like, in my mind there is no choice whatsoever, and you shouldn't have to even think twice. I mean, family comes first always. But I'm not an alcoholic so I don't know how those thoughts affected her. Because in her mind there had to be something pretty damn powerful to get her to put down that pipe. And now I can look at that time of reflection in her life and smile. Because I was powerful enough to get her to put it down. Makayla was powerful enough. Dad was powerful enough. But most of all God is and always will be powerful enough to help mom conquer her demons.
Because of that decision I found God. I mean, I'm sure I would have found Jesus eventually, it was obviously in His plan for me to find Him. But that one decision my mom made has changed my life drastically. Its funny, because the moments directly after that decision was made are often overlooked when I tell my testimony. See, right after mom made that decision Dad asked me to pray with him. And we prayed for mom. We prayed with tears streaming down our faces and after they left I listened to Dear God by Nick Jonas on repeat for over an hour. Because I needed something to cling to and I leaned on Jesus before I even knew that I loved him.
That's a moment I think of often. Whenever I'm feeling lost or lonely or broken. I think of that first hug I got from God before I even knew I could get hugs from him daily.
I guess the point of my thoughts is that I may be lost and I may be broken and I may not know what the heck I'm doing right now. But God is there willing to lend a hug. Willing to be my shoulder to cry. Willing to give me advice and show me the way. Because even when I don't know that I can, he's always there reaching for a hug.
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