fun fact #6

I am a freaking onion.

I kind of just realized this while I was at work being bored and what not, and I've had a few days to think about it, but.. I'm an onion.

Haha, sit there and think, What the freak are you talking about Tasha?
okay, are you ready for it? The LAYERS. in the onion.
I'm not that clever, so I can't say I made it up all on my own, I heard it some where...
(btw is 7:05. haha)... anyways. I heard it somewhere, so I'm not that creative :]

And when I first heard it I was like.. WTF? Why would you have layers? I have no secrets, I'm crazy open.

YEAH RIGHT. My secrets are just so damn good I don't even realize I have them sometimes.

Let me try and explain this mess that is my head for a moment, because I'm kind of confused with the whole thing too. I used to think I was so crazy freaking open, but turns out, yeah not so much.

Like, my parents know every single detail of every one of my friends lives, yet I highly doubt they know much about me.

I have a lot of people that I talk to, but I am 'the listener' and I just never share whats going on in my head.

(now mind you, I have people I do talk to that know some stuff about me, but its like, a hand full of people.)

I mean, maybe this is why I am so quick to think I am ''best friends'' with someone, because I 'tell them everything' when in reality, I don't tell anyone ANYTHING.

I am so quick to tell people that my mom used to be addicted to speed and weed, and that my dad has decided he is an alcoholic too, but I doubt many more then like, three people know exactly how fucked up the situation was.
like, my grades slipping, and increasing hours at work, and being forced to quit my job, and hiding away in my room, and becoming immersed into a fantasy land we all like to call the internet. and sooo much more.

There are many people who know that I played softball for 9 years, but very few who know what happened the last time I ever played softball.
and even fewer who know exactly how much I miss playing.

There are tons of people who know I have a little sister. My favorite thing in the entire world,
but I honestly don't think there is a single person who knows that sometimes I hate that I had to raise her, and I'm mean to her sometimes because of it.

There are plenty of people who know I am a Christian, but very few people who know that my faith has pulled me through so much even though its only been a year or two.

There are plenty of people who know I lost the Homecoming Director position, and lots of people who know exactly how much it hurts still to this day,
but I have never once come out and said, if it wasn't for that loss, I wouldn't be as involved in church, or that I am extremely grateful for this push in the right direction.

And I don't thing a single person knows that I wake up every morning scared. So scared that Mom is going to decide that today she wants to use again. So.Fucking.Scared.
Every day of my life.

So like I said, I'm on onion, and as these little fun facts go along, more and more layers will be peeled back.

If you read, welcome to this fun little journey I have decided to go through :]