Hmm.

I absolutely love the feeling that I get when I feel like I don't belong somewhere. You know the feeling? The sinking in your stomach, the heart wrenching feeling. Everyone gets it at times. I'm perfectly fine when I get it at school, or when I'm around some of mom's friends. That's fine with me, because I can take myself out of the situation, and go to a place where I am wanted.

That place used to be home, but I can't say that anymore.
I feel like every-time I walk through the door, I'm a burden on everyone else. The only person who actually greets me anymore is Makayla.
And it isn't just a feeling, I just feel like i need to get out of this house, because my presence isn't healthy for anyone. There's rarely more then a few days go by where I'm not fighting with one of my parents, and that puts a strain on them. it's just better if I'm not here.
and before anyone gets all freaked out, I'm not suicidal, I just want to move out. So no spazzing kay?
Anyways. The other things. They may seem trivial, but they really irritate me. Mom Dad and Makayla went to get flu shots on Sunday while I was at work. I'm glad they care about my health enough to take me to get a flu shot. But apparently, that doesn't really matter. They go out and get food all the time, and don't bother to call me to see if I'm home and if I'm hungry. Half of the time, I don't want anything. But you calling and asking is sure a hell of a lot better then you coming home and trying to hide the fact that you forgot about me again, and trying to say, Oh, I didn't know you were home.

Or, that time where you made me get up at 9 during the summer, so that I wasn't missing out on the 'quality time' I had with mom. And usually, right when I woke up you were leaving to take your nap. Great 'quality time' mom. But, its okay, because I like you best when you are sleeping anyways.

Or you know, the mole that I have on my neck, that I have complained about multiple times. It hurts, really bad. I'd appreciate it if you'd at least get a dermatologist number with me. You don't have to come with or anything, and fuck, I'll pay for it. I just need to know where to go. If you haven't been able to tell, I'm worried about it. Completely worried. Like. Freaked OUT. and all I get when I mention it is an insincere 'im sorry' Thanks, really I appreciate it.

Or, my teeth. They hurt when I eat anything cold, or drink anything cold. Which is you know, all the time. So it's kind of painful. When I ask for the number for that, and tell you that I'll go by myself and schedule my own appointment, you just kind of brush it off. But if Makayla says one thing about her tooth, she has an appointment the next morning.

I'm just sayin' this is all kind of bull shit. So, I'm never home. Which I am sure makes you more upset, but I don't really care. because I have no intentions what so ever of being in a place where I don't feel welcome.


So as of today, well tomorrow, because today is full. I'm going to be looking for a job. A job that will pay me around $700 a month so that I can move out. Because, this shit isn't healthy, and I think we've all learned that the family gets along better when I'm not home.