:D

I'm dedicating this entire post to Ashley
Because basically she is awesome, and that's all you really need to know :D

Thanks for all the fun late night chats about our favorite jewish gentleman ;]
and for sharing the wonderfulness that is your music. Wooohoo, pretty sure at least 65% of my itunes is all from youu!

I love you cuddle buddy :D

fun fact #6

I am a freaking onion.

I kind of just realized this while I was at work being bored and what not, and I've had a few days to think about it, but.. I'm an onion.

Haha, sit there and think, What the freak are you talking about Tasha?
okay, are you ready for it? The LAYERS. in the onion.
I'm not that clever, so I can't say I made it up all on my own, I heard it some where...
(btw is 7:05. haha)... anyways. I heard it somewhere, so I'm not that creative :]

And when I first heard it I was like.. WTF? Why would you have layers? I have no secrets, I'm crazy open.

YEAH RIGHT. My secrets are just so damn good I don't even realize I have them sometimes.

Let me try and explain this mess that is my head for a moment, because I'm kind of confused with the whole thing too. I used to think I was so crazy freaking open, but turns out, yeah not so much.

Like, my parents know every single detail of every one of my friends lives, yet I highly doubt they know much about me.

I have a lot of people that I talk to, but I am 'the listener' and I just never share whats going on in my head.

(now mind you, I have people I do talk to that know some stuff about me, but its like, a hand full of people.)

I mean, maybe this is why I am so quick to think I am ''best friends'' with someone, because I 'tell them everything' when in reality, I don't tell anyone ANYTHING.

I am so quick to tell people that my mom used to be addicted to speed and weed, and that my dad has decided he is an alcoholic too, but I doubt many more then like, three people know exactly how fucked up the situation was.
like, my grades slipping, and increasing hours at work, and being forced to quit my job, and hiding away in my room, and becoming immersed into a fantasy land we all like to call the internet. and sooo much more.

There are many people who know that I played softball for 9 years, but very few who know what happened the last time I ever played softball.
and even fewer who know exactly how much I miss playing.

There are tons of people who know I have a little sister. My favorite thing in the entire world,
but I honestly don't think there is a single person who knows that sometimes I hate that I had to raise her, and I'm mean to her sometimes because of it.

There are plenty of people who know I am a Christian, but very few people who know that my faith has pulled me through so much even though its only been a year or two.

There are plenty of people who know I lost the Homecoming Director position, and lots of people who know exactly how much it hurts still to this day,
but I have never once come out and said, if it wasn't for that loss, I wouldn't be as involved in church, or that I am extremely grateful for this push in the right direction.

And I don't thing a single person knows that I wake up every morning scared. So scared that Mom is going to decide that today she wants to use again. So.Fucking.Scared.
Every day of my life.

So like I said, I'm on onion, and as these little fun facts go along, more and more layers will be peeled back.

If you read, welcome to this fun little journey I have decided to go through :]

Cancer

I fucking hate that word, more then anything, and the damn piece of shit tried to ruin my birthday.
See, the thing is while I was driving to Cali, the dumb doctor called and told me the stupid thing they took off of my neck was skin cancer. JOY. Just what you want to hear right. Yeah, don't flip out too much, its a Basil Cell cancer or whatever, so that means it doesn't spread. WOO. (that woo was kind of sarcastic, NGL)
But what it does mean, is that I have to go back to the doctors office and they have to scrape more skin away and get the rest of the cancer off of my skin. I keep repeating cancer, because it is like.. Yelling in my head right now. its like oh hey tasha CANCERRRRRR. What now bitch?
Yeah, my cancer is sarcastic too.

So, I know I don't need to freak, but I am freaking out hard core. No lie, like, right now I am crying. Because I am scared. And I don't know what to do, and I don't know what this means, and I... I just don't know.

And I don't want to talk to my parents about it because them worrying about my skin cancer is the last thing they need. Not to mention, this surgery is probably going to be really expensive, because insurance isn't all that amazing, well it is, bu

Fun Fact #3

I have anywhere but here syndrome (and that anywhere is california)

The day after I leave California is always the hardest. And, it just keeps getting harder. I just sometimes feel like I have nothing to look forward to when I come back to Vegas. Yes, I have my family and a few friends, but I mean.. The majority of the people I actually enjoy talking to are online, and I can take my computer with me wherever I go, so it isn't like I am going to miss them. They come with me :]

And my parents and my sister, I would miss them a whole bunch, and church, I would miss that too, but I feel like Vegas is just this groove in the middle of the table, and I am the marble that keeps rolling back towards the groove and getting stuck. There is no where to go here. There is nothing I want to do. I have no motivation to be a better person here. There is nothing inspiring. It is just blah. I haven't been as happy as I was just sitting on the beach then I have been in a VERY long time.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want to be all emo and be like, WAHH my life sucks, because it doesn't. My life is actually pretty amazing, but it isn't changing. It isn't evolving, it isn't getting better. It is kind of on pause right now.

Isn't college supposed to be the best part of your life? You are supposed to grow so much from it? Then why do I feel like I'm on hold right now?

I just don't want to be here anymore, and I kill myself every time I have to come back. If I could, I would spend all summer sleeping on an inflatable mattress selling homemade bracelets on Venice Beach.

Even though I would prefer being cramped in a studio apartment, working as a club promoter, but heyy, it is what it is :]

Basically, I just want to finish college and get out of here, and drive to California, and never have to leavee :D

Fun Fact #2

I keep the stupidest shit.

No lie, its ridiculous the things I keep. I'm by no means a hoarder or anything. It is all sorts of organized and put into bags and boxes and what not, but I keep everything.

Like every movie stubb I've ever paid for I'm sure is is a box somewhere. I wrote a note to some guy I had a crush on in high school, and photocopied it and put it away somewhere. Stupid promo cards from RPC from last year, every name badge I've ever had. business cards left over from HC last year. pictures. tons and tons of pictures. Some stupid flier I got from San Genero. A flier from Capo's becuase thats where the guy that kissed me worked. lmfao.
The dumbest things, I swear to you. I feel like one day when I get old I'll need all this stuff to remember life, and thats why I keep it all... But I really don't need the rape whistle I got in on move in day at the dorms. lmfao. I have three.

I think I'm going to make a goal for myself, and that is to go through things, and my goal is to get rid of 25% of the random shit I have.


Good goal yes? Goodness I hope so!

Fun Fact #1

So I am thinking about doing little fun facts about myself, becuase I have fun little quirks, and they are all a part of a self journey I want to take.
Because, not only will these fun facts let you know something about me, but they will make me realize things about me that I may or may not need to improve on. Feel free to give your takes on my fun facts, and add your own in :]

I fall asleep on the phone a lot. ALOT. hahaha.
its kind of ridiculous. Most of the time it is with Britt. A lot of the time I am texting someone and I just fall asleep.

Sometimes I worry that it annoys people, because I'm not the type of person to say hey, I am going to bed so I will talk to you later. Normally we'll keep up conversation and then I'll turn my light off and crawl into bed and as the conversation slowly dwindles I just fall asleep. Normally when I wake up I send a sorry text message and then go on about my day.

Unless of course it is Britt. When we are on the phone it is just expected that one of us is going to fall asleep. It is most likely me. Haha. I think she has only fallen asleep on me twice. And then we've both fallen asleep at the same time twice. hahaha

We are ridiculous, we know this.

But yeah, that is fact number one. My favorite way to end the day is to spend it talking to my favorite people :]

Not a Fan, but part of a FAMILY

I've said it time and time again, and being a Jonas fan isn't just adoring three boys who strut their stuff on the stage. Yes that is awesome, but there is so much more then that. It is about the army of fans that make up the Jonas Family.

Tonight, we mourn the loss of a sister. Yes, we are aware of the fact that MANY people have died in Chile, and yes we are aware of the fact that many Jonas fans have died before, but its not like we get a phone call with every single death.

What is happening with the world is seriously tragic right now, and to lose a sister in the midst of it makes the tragedy seem that much more intense. I never talked to you, but you will be missed Alejandra. Your family and friends will be in my prayers, and I sincerely hope you rest in peace <3