NACA--AAAAA

i need to write that shit down before i forget it
but it was AMAZINGGG.
i cant wait to see nick againn <3

blessings <3

extremely blessed today.and, its only 7 am, look at that.About this time as little as a year ago my sister and I would be awake trying to get everyone else in the house awake, so that we could open presents.But, the gifts are still wrapped and I'm letting everyone sleep in, because as thankful as I am for the gifts that are under the tree, I know the true reason we are celebrating today.I'm all sorts of sappy and emotional, probably from lack of sleep, but mostly because today means a lot to me.Not only do I know what Christmas is about, but my mom, is sober. For the first Christmas in a LONG TIME.I know that when she wakes up this morning, I don't have to look at her eyes to see how much I have to hide in my room today. I won't have to hope that she drinks enough Bailey's in her coffee to keep her happy all day instead of getting all weird and emotional. I know, that I'm going to have so much fun with my FAMILY today, and it's all because I'm blessed. It's only by the grace of God that I can enjoy this Christmas, and I thank Him from the bottom of my heart.I really hope that everyone knows the true meaning of Christmas, and if you don't, then look it up, get out a bible and read the book of Luke. Read how Christ was born, and never forget that he died for our sins.Merry Christmas to all of my Family and Friends, I love you all soo very much.<3

kevin jonas

neeeds to spend his 21st bday in vegas
he can buy the malibu rum, ill provide the pineapple juice and the entertainment.. free of charge ;]

goodness that boy looks freaking hot as hell sometimes, i swearrrr it could just be like, a phase im going through at the moment..




hahaa, now that ive let all that goo.
im bored
as helll
sitting in my room, while pretty much everyone else on the floor is out, at the mansion party.
but my parents are retarded. i dont know how its their fault that im not at theparty, but.. it is.
haha

they annoy the hell out of me sometimes. its ridiculous. i just want to scream sometimes i swear.
i dont even live with them anymore, and i just want to screaammmm. ergh.
im so bored im mumbling. its ridiculous.
blahh.
im gunna go read somemore :]

just a vent

some people worry me with certain things
like, i know my parents always say i have no common sense and whatnot, but really, i beg to differ.
sometimes, i act silly, and dont get certain things right away, but eventually i swear i do
hehe a little edit now that this is public :]
seriously?
you can't find a building on your own?
i dont even know why its irritating me so much, except for the fact that this is probably how my parents feel about me sometimes.
a little common sense goes a long way, and they dont seem to follow that i have more common sense then a lot of my friends
or maybe its just, my independence that i have gotten since ive moved out

but still, like, you cant find your own psych trailer. it has me seriously worried though... because really it shouldnt be that hard.
but ill get over it soon i guess. haha

homecoming week

this seems to be the best spot to put this because i really dont want to censor my memories, so im not gunna put it on myspace.

monday :]
--kickoff. Rise and shine early, but it wasnt too bad. i really didnt sleeep at all that night, because i guess i was just, insanely excited. haha. we got up, started on the balloon arch, made sure everything went well and what not. it really wasnt stressful, just meeting with the judges was kind of nuts. haha
--foam party. it seemed like everything that could have gone wrong, did. It was insane. I honestly think we were just all exhausted, and stressed and worried about how the rest of the week was going to go. And to top it all off, we were freezing like no other. but it was a ton of fun, and it was super warm in the foam. i cant wait to go to the computer in the sia offices and take all the foam party pics off of there and put it on myspace. lol

tuesday :]
--rebels after dusk. insane fun, like no lie. we were stressed, but excited. i started off with snowcones, then moved to check in, and then over to games, and then kind of stopped working. i was so tired from being in the office and runnign around like a nutter that i just didnt go anywhere. lol. then we played around and danced on the stage. i took a picture with a creeper, and he was taking pictures with like, everyone. he was nuts. lol
clean up was fun. we all seemed to bond more on tuesday then anything. idk why, it just seemed to happen that way. lol
wednesday :]
--the variety show. the show went well :] there were only a few cues that were off, but it was all good. the stage fell, but everything went smoothly. i was happy with everything
thursday :]
--the rally, and yay for getting to leave early
friday :]
--nothing but paperwork. but it was still fun like woah :]
saturday :]
--paradeee up super early. matt to the rescue with doughnuts and coffee. bless his soul :]
it was a chill day, and everything went well. im glad its all over though. no lie, im exhausted, but it was all so worth it.
im so excited to wear regular clothes next week instead of unlv shirts all freaking week long. lolll.

some quotes that i will try to remember, and ill add as i think of them

matt : Follow me Tasha.
tasha: Where are we going?
m: no where, you are just following me.

m: i'm the leader, you walk behind me. not in front, not to the side, behind.
t: am i not worthy of walking next to you?
M: nope
(he means it in the most loving wayy i swear.)

d-rex- nice stars on your pants
everyone else- uhm, creeper?




haha and our nicknames. lmfao
d-rex- donovan nichols
asian persuasion- donovan kaneshiro
big bird- matt cooney
rad girl- krista
fanny pack sassy pants - annie
meanie mouse-- nikki
t-bomb/ ear nazi- mee
boots- stephanie mejia
cranky pants - gregory patton
tink-heather england

college times :]

this deserves its own seperate post, because it is going to make me happy.

college. is so freaking amazing. Like, i seriously have no words to describe how much fun I am having.
its reallly sad to say, but yesterday was the first day that I actually missed my mom. It was kind of sad, and if effected me a lot, because the whole day turned out to be crap, that night however was a different story.

so, I was going to go to the FUNR party with lyn, but then... i was like. blehh im tired I dont wanna. Really I just wanted to stay home and be depressed. I was wallowing in self pity because I got a ''c'' on my bio test, and matt was being as ass ( i fell like i have to distinguish between matts, even for myself now. This is getting confusing. but were talking about kosmala here :]) and soooo. he was just being an ass, so that pissed me off. so i was like. eff that, i dont wanna party.
well, then i was talking to d'andre and he said something about a blacklight party, and i was like. oh, sounds like fun. but i was hesitant. i still reallly didnt want to go out.
Then I talked to Nikki, and she convinced me, but instead of going to parties we were just gunna hang out in a friends room and then walk around on the strip.

it was so vegas-y, i couldnt resist. lol. I love pretending I havent lived here most of my life. its so much fun. lol.

I had fun, minus the whole drama bs, but as long as you can get past it, then it was enjoyable lol

RPC, is like, making my life.
I seriously think I would be so freaking bored and sick of school right now if it wasnt for the homecoming committee. These people are some of the most amazing people ever. no lie.

goshhhh. im just loving life right now. its so amazingg.
<333333

irritated

so it really irritates me when people read that paper that i wrote, and they were like, oh hunny if we would have known it was this bad we would have done something about it.
ohhh really? then wtf did you just think it was just a teenager fighting with their mom everytime I talked to you?
seriously. dont try and pull that.
its over and its done with
dont tell me what you would have done if you would have known
that stupid little word if
its already happened
its not going to change.
I don't want your stupid sympathy now, its over and its done with. I dont want the damn pity party. I want to live my life, love my mom and enjoy her sobriety.
gah. its just annoying. stupid promises and all that retardedness. like. come on, seriously.
ugh.
i probably dont make any sense, but whatever.

okayy so like

i wish my titles were as wittty as jacobs in breaking dawn
hahaha

dude... i cant wait til the movie.. its like.. 75ish days. how exciting is that?
SUPERRRR EXCITING!!!

hahaha. im bored. lol
and im procrastinating on homework
im kind of, really excited to write that paper now
hehe

college life. :]

my dorm room is absolutely adorable :]
My roomate just moved in, a few days ago, but she really hasnt spent the night yet.
But we've talked a few times and she seems really cool, very down to earth.
She said shes not going to be spending too many nights here becuase shes with family and with friends most of the time. so i pretty much still have my own room

And its still clean
woooot wooot :]
hahaha
im super proud of myself, like you have no idea.
I didnt make my bed yesterday though, so i felt kind of off, it was odd. then i took a nap and i felt better

so my classes are all good. i know someone in all of my classes.
all of my professors seem really cool. lol
i can barely understand my math teacher, but the online thing is pretty simple to understand, so ill be okay i guess. lol

sooo, so far so good :]
lovee it all

woohoo

im sure theres tons of stuff i could write
but nothing i wanna fully write out right now. lol

maybee later

first from my dorm. waiit whatt?

heckk yess dudeeee

first post from my dorm :]

its snazzy. lol

WOOOOhooo:]

eeeeep

15 hours :]

im so excited.

but if i think too hard i get super close to tears, so i just try to think of all the fun im gunna have.
I know that as soon as they walk away, im going to bawl my eyes out.

i hope i can stop crying before matt gets there. lol

ive promised myself, like right now at this very moment that im not gunna let them see me cry.

This is going to be hard enough for them, so, I need to be strong :]

scared much :\

yes, im scared
but not about the things i would have thought i would be afraid of.

see this summer, i have found God, and I have accepted Jesus into my life,
but I did this all without taking a science class.

see, science is what kept me from believing before this summer, and it was a simple reason.
and i have been without science all summer long, so accepting Jesus was easy with the lack of science.

i just need to pray, and ask God to give me the faith that I need to get through this class that is going to test my faith.

i move out in two days :]
yay

califonii.... YAYY! haha

amazing.
just. absolutely amazing.

eeep.
im still pretty much speechless on the whole trip
the whole thing was amazing :]
i'll start with friday i guess
Fridayy
we actually got on the road on friday after getting smoothies and getting gas and saying goodbye to everyone.
the drive was reallly nice, very scenic, i took lots of pictures!
we stopped in baker for some alien jerky and some pics of the thermometer :]
then we stopped in victorville to have dinner with Jessy :]
I had Sbarro. and the trashcans talked to us.. hahaha it was hilariouss
like.. it said thank you :]
thenn we drove until we got to jen's house
which was kinda difficult to find. lol. the street lights aren't lit up very well.
we chilled with jen, talked, had some yummy cheese and crackers. thennnn we passed out. lol
Saturdayy
woke up and got ready, then we drove down to starbucks. im just walking straight to starbucks, but on the way back i decide to look around
and i look to my left, and litterally down the street was the beach. Like, i could see the ocean perfectly. It was absolutely beautiful.
Then we drove back to Jens house and walked down to the beach, which was like, 2 blocks away.
then on to sea world
it was amazing :]
i got pretty sun burnt, but oh well.
thn we went to dinner
and accidentally snuck into the bar, to get jens key.
it was hilarious

Sundayy
brunch cruise was beautiful. then pinkberry
can you say YUM :]
of course, it wasnt the same without my twinner, but it was still delicious :]
thenn we went to the beach, and then to a yummmy yummmyy dinner.

Mondayy
we came home :]

umm can you say.. YAY :]

i quit my job yesterday.
that was eventful

now wayne is being an ass, whatever bitch just give me my money and i'll leave you alone :]

14 days. YAYYY!
my roomies name is kristin. im excited to meet her. shes a sophomore i think :]

California this weekend!
once again I say YAY!

this trip is going to complete my summer, no lie
no matter how little spending money I have. I'm stoked :]

hatred much?

Wow,
the beginning of my moms sobriety was a tough time for me I guess.
I was really bitter about everything, and I look back now and I can't help but feel as if I was being selfish.
I guess I have changed a lot in the last few months, and I'm hoping its for the better.

Since that last blog, Most of the damage from the past has healed itself.
I love my mom again, and that is definitely a great feeling.
Some people may think, how do you love your mom again? Isn't that a love that isn't supposed to go away? But mine did, don't ask questions about it, becuase I won't explain, it just did okay?

My mom has been sober for 5 months. Wow. 5 months. I can't begin to tell you how proud of her I am. Its amazing to have my mom back in my life.
But in a bittersweet sort of way
because, in 25 days, she is another person that I'm going to have to say goodbye to.

I keep telling everyone else, that I don't see the big deal its a few miles down the street
but I know its a big deal
and goodness gracious am I getting scaredd
but, i never think about the fear, because im just so darn excited most of the time

gahh. all these emotions running through my body cant be good for myself
but whateverrr, were only human :]

6 days til breaking dawn
i'll be partying nerd status yo!

forgiveness

why is something that can make your life simpler, one of the hardest things you can do?

i started writing a letter to her, to see if maybe writing it down could make forgiveness easier. but, it didnt. i got so into the thing, that i couldnt finish.

i havent looked at it again. but i think now is the time


this is probably going to come out all jumbled and all mixed up, but theres a ton of things on my mind that i just had to tell somebody, or something, and my lovely laptop screen seems to be the best listener
.
so mom, besides her pot addiction, she is also addicted to speed. shes been doing it regularly for over a year, and within the last 8 months her addiction has just got worse, and farther and farther out of hand. I knew that she wasnt just smoking weed, and i knew that she was doing speed every once in a while, but i didnt know it was a regular basis, or how sever everything was.
but everytime she was high, we would fight. and she was high alot. so we fought alot.
and throughout those fights, we both said a lot of hurtful things to eachother. things that made me no longer trust my mom. it escalated to the point of where, i didnt want to be in a car with her, cuz who knows how high she was and whether or not she was able to drive. I didnt want to talk to her anymore, because everything she said was either hurtful or a lie.
basically, it got really bad.
then on her birthday. she was high. again.. and i got super pissed off. it was supposed to be a day we were gunna spend together, but she couldnt seem to get through spending a day with me sober. so i stayed away. i didnt take her anywhere, i didnt put any effort into getting ready for dinner, i didnt buy her any presents. nothing.
so then at dinner, she threw a hissy fit becuase we didnt buy her any presents. and she was acting liek a fool. everything she said just irritated me beyond belief. and apparently it got to dad too. so the next day him and mom had a big talk. and the end result was mom went to rehab.
and i know im supposed to be happy for her that she went, but theres so much hatred built up, and soo many things that she has done to make me not believe her, that i have no faith in her. as much as i want her to get better, i dont think she will.
and it really sucks that i cant have faith in my mom. its rather pathetic.

i stopped there.. not because thats all i have to say, but because i dont know how to say it. maybe after this meeting tomorrow it will let me finish this letter, because i know i need to.

and maybe one day i can show this to her.

maybe.