LOL. I love that song, but I get so sick of hearing it sometimes.
I'm writing out here what I got for Christmas because I've been asked a few times, and I always forget some things so I'm just gunna write it here so I can copy and paste.
Feel free to leave comments with that you got, I love sharing fun stuff :D
So uhm, item number one. If you pay attention to my tweets at all you will know I got a guitar. The most beautiful amazing lovely guitar I've ever seen in my whole life. Now mind you when I told my parents I wanted a guitar, I said a cheap one. Like, thrift store cheap. Like, walmart cheap. Nothing legit, just something from a thrift store would make me happy. I would pay to get it restrung and tuned and what not. But my parents are amazing. And my parents' friends are amazing. Seriously, we have some awesome people in our life who are true blessings to us. I got a brand new Yamaha F335. I'm in love with an inanimate object. :D
And I got a case and some picks :D
I know, nothing can top that, but I got some other awesome stuff too.
8ish movies? I think its 8. IDK, they are all movies from the $5 bin at walmart, because thats where I told mom to get them from. LOL
Three Scarves. wee. A red one (GO REBELS!) a blue/brown one and this beautiful black/white/grey scarf that is ohmygoodness gorgeous.
ZEBRA FLATS. eek. I love them, so much :D
one of those fun shampoo kits. It smells yummy
a fun razor kit, also awesome :]
JONAS lip gloss, my mother laughed when I told her Joe Jonas tasted good, and I didn't feel right with Nick/Kevin on my lips because one is married and the other is underage. But the Joe one is just my color, so its alll gravy ;]
a new brush.
Candyyy, new moon candy to be particular. My parents are hilarious
one of those life saver story book things. My parents understand my inner 12 year old
and just to show how WELL they understand my inner 12 year old, they got me a crayola color wonder scrapbook thingy, JONAS edition. heck yes it comes with jonas stickers and what not. I love it
oh but it doesn't end there. I've been begging for this since I saw the commercial. Do I care that it is made for 7 year olds? HELL no. Its a freaking board that glows in the dark and you draw on it. It is epic, and my parents are amazing and got it for me, hellooo beautiful Crayola Glow Station
If you don't know what it is, here's the commercial. I seriously recommend buying one, they are so much fun :D
and I got a book, the shack. I've been meaning to read it for a while now, and my parents listen to me :]
some penguin toe socks. They are epic and I'm in love. LOL
Jammies, slippers, and I think that is it from them.
From Tammy I got a laptop cooling pad, and a cross necklace. It was the EXACT one I wanted. I have a slight obsession with penguins.. and my necklace has a penguin on it, and comes in a penguin carrying case :D I'm in love :]
My sister is adorable, and spent her AWANA money on Christmas presents. She bought herself ONE thing, and the rest was spent on presents. I love her (AWANA money is the money the kids earn for saying verses and attendance and being in uniform and what not for church. Twice a year they go to the AWANA store to spend their money on some pretty neat stuff.) She got me a stuffed penguin, and a pink glow stick, and a straw with penguins on it. I love her. Seriously, she may be a complete pain in the ass, but she comes through in the end, and is seriously the most amazing child in the world <3 (and the pink glowstick is fun with my glow station, no lie ;]
Jessy got me a boooooooook. And it isn't right here so I don't know the title of it. damnit. Lol, but I'm about 40 pages in and I love it already, even if its confusing. LOL and she sent candy. om nom nom <3
Randi got me Disney Sing It, an edward blanket, a jacob pillowcase and a bracelet.
My parents kind of went overboard this year, its seriously ridiculous. But I love each and every one of my presents. so so much. Now that I have let my fingers rest, I'm gunna go play my guitar some more.
love you all <3
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
MERRY CHRISTMAS :]
Weeeee. Christmas has got to be the best time of the year. My fondest memories are from Christmas time, and they are things that I will cherish through my whole life.
Christmas day is always a hard time for my Mom because we used to spend every christmas in Reno with my Grandma and the whole family would drive down and we'd have sleeping bags upon sleeping bags piled everywhere in the house, and we would wake up in the morning and the living room would be effing PACKED with presents. It took FOREVER to unwrap everything. I always sat in the same spot, every single time. I'd sit in the corner of the couch, so that I could hide my underwear that I got EVERY FREAKING YEAR under the couch. One time, we found a pair that I hid under there like a year later. It was so much fun just being around family and what not, but since my grandma passed away, it has been a small Christmas here in Vegas with no hope for snow what so ever.
Last year was my FIRST real christmas, with knowing what the true meaning was and everything, and it was so special. This year is just a reflective Christmas. Keeping my loved ones close and spending some quality time with my family. I was tempted to turn off my twitter updates for tonight and tomorrow, but I really don't think I could because I count you all as my friends and family too, and I would like to share an amazing holiday with you all.
I am not kidding when I say that it is a blessing to have you all in my life, you keep me sane on my craziest days, and cheer me up when I'm feeling blue. Merry Christmas to you all, my lovelies. <3
aaaand, happy Hanukkah to my Jewish lovelies <3
Christmas day is always a hard time for my Mom because we used to spend every christmas in Reno with my Grandma and the whole family would drive down and we'd have sleeping bags upon sleeping bags piled everywhere in the house, and we would wake up in the morning and the living room would be effing PACKED with presents. It took FOREVER to unwrap everything. I always sat in the same spot, every single time. I'd sit in the corner of the couch, so that I could hide my underwear that I got EVERY FREAKING YEAR under the couch. One time, we found a pair that I hid under there like a year later. It was so much fun just being around family and what not, but since my grandma passed away, it has been a small Christmas here in Vegas with no hope for snow what so ever.
Last year was my FIRST real christmas, with knowing what the true meaning was and everything, and it was so special. This year is just a reflective Christmas. Keeping my loved ones close and spending some quality time with my family. I was tempted to turn off my twitter updates for tonight and tomorrow, but I really don't think I could because I count you all as my friends and family too, and I would like to share an amazing holiday with you all.
I am not kidding when I say that it is a blessing to have you all in my life, you keep me sane on my craziest days, and cheer me up when I'm feeling blue. Merry Christmas to you all, my lovelies. <3
aaaand, happy Hanukkah to my Jewish lovelies <3
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Who I Am Lyrics.
Thanks Mollie :]
WHO I AM lyrics for anybody interested.
I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I wanna break off the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am
Nothing makes sense
Nothing makes sense anymore
Nothing is right
Nothing is right when you're gone
I'm losing my breath
I'm losing my right to be wrong
I'm writing to death
I'm writing that I won't be strong
I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I wanna break off the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am
I'm shaking it off
I'm shaking off all of the bad
You're breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart once again
I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I wanna break off the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am
Are you gonna love me?
Yeah, for who I am
I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I wanna break off the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am
WHO I AM lyrics for anybody interested.
I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I wanna break off the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am
Nothing makes sense
Nothing makes sense anymore
Nothing is right
Nothing is right when you're gone
I'm losing my breath
I'm losing my right to be wrong
I'm writing to death
I'm writing that I won't be strong
I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I wanna break off the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am
I'm shaking it off
I'm shaking off all of the bad
You're breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart once again
I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I wanna break off the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am
Are you gonna love me?
Yeah, for who I am
I want someone to love me
For who I am
I want someone to need me
Is that so bad?
I wanna break off the madness
But it's all I have
I want someone to love me
For who I am
Fun Facts :]
1. I like Radiohead
2. I walk up the stairs two at a time
3. I have witnessed a moshpit
4. I have experienced a moshpit
5. I once caught a fish on vacation
6. I have punched/attacked a teacher
7. I have seen someone die
8. I have made fried dough
9. I have been in a New York City taxi
10. My hair is its natural color
11. A movie had made me cry
12. A book has made me cry
13. A song has made me cry
14. I have been saved by a lifeguard
15. I am for the death penalty
16. There have been times when I seriously wished I could kill myself.
17. I know someone else who attempted suicide.
18. I don’t show my emotions.
19. I am a pessimist.
20. I usually have no self confidence.
21. People have told me they trust me.
22. There is a TV in this room.
23. I am next to a window.
24. I have given directions to someone in a car.
25. Someone has borrowed something and not given it back yet.
26. I’m a perfectionist.
27. I usually try not to bring attention to myself.
28. My parents want to know what I have for homework.
29. We sometimes watch musicals in music class.
30. I’m using a mac computer.
31. I’m home alone.
32. I’m an oldest child.
33. I have a belt on.
34. It’s studded.
35. I have plans for today.
36. We’re allowed to chew gum at school.
37. I live for summer.
38. Sometimes I act like I have OCD.
39. I could people-watch all day.
40. I’ve tried to be a vegetarian.
41. Really skinny people annoy me.
42. Lime green is an awesome color.
43. I can touch my thumb to my pinkie around my wrist.
44. I can know someone’s scent and know they’re near me.
45. My parent(s) is/are a health freak.
46. I try to use correct spelling/grammar on the computer.
47. I know the difference between its and it’s.
48. Dr. Pepper is my favorite soda.
49. I can get very annoyed by happy people.
50. I wish my hair was naturally curly.
51. I’m sarcastic a lot. a lot a lot :]
52. I’m at least a little bit Irish.
53. I don’t tell people’s secrets.
54. I don’t like the name Peg.
55. I’ve slipped on a banana peel.
56. I’m very ticklish.
57. I give people the silent treatment when I’m mad instead.
58. I wear my pajama pants to school. (living on campus FTW)
59. Swallowing pills is difficult for me.
60. I get scared in elevators.
61. I’ve been in a car for 7 hours straight.
62. I like going on the subway.
63. I’ve seen the same movie twice in a row.
64. Sometimes I wish I could get plastic surgery.
65. I have fallen down the stairs.
66. I prefer pools to oceans.
67. I have stayed up until 2:00 doing homework the whole time.
68. I’ve cried myself to sleep
69. It would almost be worth breaking a leg to use crutches.
70. I’ve fainted in public.
71. I hate bermuda shorts.
72. Big lips are attractive.
73. I like milk in my tea
74. I never wear skirts.
75. My nails are fake.
76. I can swear in different languages.
77. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
78. A stranger has tried to give me money.
79. Lipstick is uncomfortable.
80. My favorite band broke up. Lets not jinx it kayy.
81. I have some friends in my neighborhood.
82. I pack my own lunches for school.
83. I hate words with too many consonants together.
84. I’ve went three days without taking a shower.
85. Laptop mouses are impossible.
86. I have dropped something today.
87. My away message is always up to avoid people.
88. I’ve worn earphones/headphones without music to avoid people.
89. People have complimented my handwriting.
90. I know what aperture and shutter speed are.
91. I say like a lot, even though I try not to.
92. My pinkies are crooked.
93. I have a sibling in college.
94. I’ve danced in the rain before.
95. I know who wrote Great Expectations.
96. I don’t know how to do the laundry.
97. I hate doing the dishes.
98. I make index cards for school even when they’re not required.
99. I love making microwave s’mores
100. I have meditated before.
2. I walk up the stairs two at a time
3. I have witnessed a moshpit
4. I have experienced a moshpit
5. I once caught a fish on vacation
6. I have punched/attacked a teacher
7. I have seen someone die
8. I have made fried dough
9. I have been in a New York City taxi
10. My hair is its natural color
11. A movie had made me cry
12. A book has made me cry
13. A song has made me cry
14. I have been saved by a lifeguard
15. I am for the death penalty
16. There have been times when I seriously wished I could kill myself.
17. I know someone else who attempted suicide.
18. I don’t show my emotions.
19. I am a pessimist.
20. I usually have no self confidence.
21. People have told me they trust me.
22. There is a TV in this room.
23. I am next to a window.
24. I have given directions to someone in a car.
25. Someone has borrowed something and not given it back yet.
26. I’m a perfectionist.
27. I usually try not to bring attention to myself.
28. My parents want to know what I have for homework.
29. We sometimes watch musicals in music class.
30. I’m using a mac computer.
31. I’m home alone.
32. I’m an oldest child.
33. I have a belt on.
34. It’s studded.
35. I have plans for today.
36. We’re allowed to chew gum at school.
37. I live for summer.
38. Sometimes I act like I have OCD.
39. I could people-watch all day.
40. I’ve tried to be a vegetarian.
41. Really skinny people annoy me.
42. Lime green is an awesome color.
43. I can touch my thumb to my pinkie around my wrist.
44. I can know someone’s scent and know they’re near me.
45. My parent(s) is/are a health freak.
46. I try to use correct spelling/grammar on the computer.
47. I know the difference between its and it’s.
48. Dr. Pepper is my favorite soda.
49. I can get very annoyed by happy people.
50. I wish my hair was naturally curly.
51. I’m sarcastic a lot. a lot a lot :]
52. I’m at least a little bit Irish.
53. I don’t tell people’s secrets.
54. I don’t like the name Peg.
55. I’ve slipped on a banana peel.
56. I’m very ticklish.
57. I give people the silent treatment when I’m mad instead.
58. I wear my pajama pants to school. (living on campus FTW)
59. Swallowing pills is difficult for me.
60. I get scared in elevators.
61. I’ve been in a car for 7 hours straight.
62. I like going on the subway.
63. I’ve seen the same movie twice in a row.
64. Sometimes I wish I could get plastic surgery.
65. I have fallen down the stairs.
66. I prefer pools to oceans.
67. I have stayed up until 2:00 doing homework the whole time.
68. I’ve cried myself to sleep
69. It would almost be worth breaking a leg to use crutches.
70. I’ve fainted in public.
71. I hate bermuda shorts.
72. Big lips are attractive.
73. I like milk in my tea
74. I never wear skirts.
75. My nails are fake.
76. I can swear in different languages.
77. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
78. A stranger has tried to give me money.
79. Lipstick is uncomfortable.
80. My favorite band broke up. Lets not jinx it kayy.
81. I have some friends in my neighborhood.
82. I pack my own lunches for school.
83. I hate words with too many consonants together.
84. I’ve went three days without taking a shower.
85. Laptop mouses are impossible.
86. I have dropped something today.
87. My away message is always up to avoid people.
88. I’ve worn earphones/headphones without music to avoid people.
89. People have complimented my handwriting.
90. I know what aperture and shutter speed are.
91. I say like a lot, even though I try not to.
92. My pinkies are crooked.
93. I have a sibling in college.
94. I’ve danced in the rain before.
95. I know who wrote Great Expectations.
96. I don’t know how to do the laundry.
97. I hate doing the dishes.
98. I make index cards for school even when they’re not required.
99. I love making microwave s’mores
100. I have meditated before.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thanksgiving <3
Last night we had Thanksgiving service, and the basic message was to be grateful. This was a message that pastor has already preached, but I'm grateful I got to hear it again, because it was something I needed to hear.
I'm sure if I go back to old sermons, I would get an entirely different message from it today then I did a year ago, and even two weeks ago. It's pretty intense.
Even though I know that I should be thankful all the time, in the spirit of the holiday I am going to write out what I am thankful for.
First of all, I am thankful to know that Jesus is my savior, and because of him I have salvation. Coming from someone who used to be so afraid of death, the change in me ever since I have accepted Jesus into my life has been amazing. I now know what happens when I pass, and I can honestly say that the day my Father calls me home will be one worth rejoicing in. Until then, I will live the fullest life I can possibly live, and hopefully one that makes Him proud.
I'm thankful for my family. They are truly pains in the butt sometimes, but I could never go a day without loving them. We work so hard on mending our relationships, and I am so thankful for the progress we have made.
My friends- whether you are someone that I know face to face, or you are a voice that I just listen to on the phone, and words i read on a computer screen, I love you <3
I have a lot of BEST friends, and it may seem weird, but there is a complete distinction between someone i talk to on a regular basis, and someone I can turn to in a time of need, and if you are one of those people, thank you so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate it when someone just listens.
Here goes my long list of my BEST friends
Randi- My favorite pain in the ass :] We annoy the shit out of each other, but I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you. You've been there for me more times then I can count, and nothing could ever repay you for that. Love you bestie <3
My Twinner :] I cannot wait to come to Pittsburgh. You have no idea how stoked I am :D. Sometimes we can talk on the phone for forever, and other times we could go forever without talking, but in the end you'll always be my twin and the best best friend I've never met!
Bre&Tay -The other two sides to the most amazing acute triangle you will ever meet. We are weird, and crazy, well as crazy as three girls from church can get, but crazy none the less. Bre I enjoy taking you out at midnight and keeping you awake later then you've ever stayed up before. And Tay, I can't believe we've gotten so close so fast. It means a lot to have two amazing friends at church that I can go to!
Jessy, my love! You are the first person to text me when I'm upset, and most of the time the only one who can make me smile. you are effing amazing, doll face, and half the time you don't even know it. I can't wait until you are my lawyer, and you help me out of all of the shit I'm going to get into when I finally move into LA. And let us not forget your JAR JAR babies. I will win an award for best centerpiece ever, just wait and see! Next summer is going to be epic, and as soon as SHEVOLI has working tires and I'm allowed to drive farther then down the street, you will probably get sick of me, but we'll have a blast! hahaa
Nikki! I don't get to see you nearly as often as I would like, but thats life. We still manage to have a blast when we are together. Love you!
This is going to sound corny, but I'm thankful for Corbin Bleu. Because without him, I wouldn't have met the majority of the best people I have ever met. All of my CBF friends are absolutely fantastic, and I wouldn't trade you for the world.
My Jonas friends, you all have no idea how much you make me laugh. The majority of our conversation happens through livechats, and twitter, but you are all amazing none the less.
I'm thankful for every single person that has come into my life, whether it be in person or online. God put you in my life for some reason, and I'm thankful that He has been so gracious in giving me some amazing friends.
I'm thankful for the amazing music that I have to listen to. I don't have the most diverse taste in music, but what can I say. I love my inner 12 year old.
I'm thankful that I was able to buy my car this year. It has been a blessing in so many different ways. I'm thankful that I'm able to get a college education. Not everyone is able to, and I'm happy I can use my resources as a mean to fund my future.
I'm sure I missed a million things, but if you somehow read this blog, know that I am thankful for you. Because you care enough to read a little blurb about my life, so thank you for you <3
I'm sure if I go back to old sermons, I would get an entirely different message from it today then I did a year ago, and even two weeks ago. It's pretty intense.
Even though I know that I should be thankful all the time, in the spirit of the holiday I am going to write out what I am thankful for.
First of all, I am thankful to know that Jesus is my savior, and because of him I have salvation. Coming from someone who used to be so afraid of death, the change in me ever since I have accepted Jesus into my life has been amazing. I now know what happens when I pass, and I can honestly say that the day my Father calls me home will be one worth rejoicing in. Until then, I will live the fullest life I can possibly live, and hopefully one that makes Him proud.
I'm thankful for my family. They are truly pains in the butt sometimes, but I could never go a day without loving them. We work so hard on mending our relationships, and I am so thankful for the progress we have made.
My friends- whether you are someone that I know face to face, or you are a voice that I just listen to on the phone, and words i read on a computer screen, I love you <3
I have a lot of BEST friends, and it may seem weird, but there is a complete distinction between someone i talk to on a regular basis, and someone I can turn to in a time of need, and if you are one of those people, thank you so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate it when someone just listens.
Here goes my long list of my BEST friends
Randi- My favorite pain in the ass :] We annoy the shit out of each other, but I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you. You've been there for me more times then I can count, and nothing could ever repay you for that. Love you bestie <3
My Twinner :] I cannot wait to come to Pittsburgh. You have no idea how stoked I am :D. Sometimes we can talk on the phone for forever, and other times we could go forever without talking, but in the end you'll always be my twin and the best best friend I've never met!
Bre&Tay -The other two sides to the most amazing acute triangle you will ever meet. We are weird, and crazy, well as crazy as three girls from church can get, but crazy none the less. Bre I enjoy taking you out at midnight and keeping you awake later then you've ever stayed up before. And Tay, I can't believe we've gotten so close so fast. It means a lot to have two amazing friends at church that I can go to!
Jessy, my love! You are the first person to text me when I'm upset, and most of the time the only one who can make me smile. you are effing amazing, doll face, and half the time you don't even know it. I can't wait until you are my lawyer, and you help me out of all of the shit I'm going to get into when I finally move into LA. And let us not forget your JAR JAR babies. I will win an award for best centerpiece ever, just wait and see! Next summer is going to be epic, and as soon as SHEVOLI has working tires and I'm allowed to drive farther then down the street, you will probably get sick of me, but we'll have a blast! hahaa
Nikki! I don't get to see you nearly as often as I would like, but thats life. We still manage to have a blast when we are together. Love you!
This is going to sound corny, but I'm thankful for Corbin Bleu. Because without him, I wouldn't have met the majority of the best people I have ever met. All of my CBF friends are absolutely fantastic, and I wouldn't trade you for the world.
My Jonas friends, you all have no idea how much you make me laugh. The majority of our conversation happens through livechats, and twitter, but you are all amazing none the less.
I'm thankful for every single person that has come into my life, whether it be in person or online. God put you in my life for some reason, and I'm thankful that He has been so gracious in giving me some amazing friends.
I'm thankful for the amazing music that I have to listen to. I don't have the most diverse taste in music, but what can I say. I love my inner 12 year old.
I'm thankful that I was able to buy my car this year. It has been a blessing in so many different ways. I'm thankful that I'm able to get a college education. Not everyone is able to, and I'm happy I can use my resources as a mean to fund my future.
I'm sure I missed a million things, but if you somehow read this blog, know that I am thankful for you. Because you care enough to read a little blurb about my life, so thank you for you <3
Thursday, November 5, 2009
soo
I did my hair yesterday, and it seriously took me like, an hour.. and I only got one compliment.
I'm not one to fish for compliments. But last night it made me sad, so when I got home I woke my mom up and told her to tell me I looked pretty.
I know, im vain, but whatever. LOL
We're singing karaoke tonight. cuuurazy mother seems to think i can sing, and is making me sing two hard songs tonight. So I picked two that will make her cry. Suck on that bitchhh <3
bahahha.
Hmm. Life. is. so. freaking weird.
I'm glad I've got something so awesome to look forward too, just sayin'
but yeah. Just felt like blabbing a bit. I have to run to the store, then head out, but I have a heart felt post coming later on. Like. legit, soo many things running through my mind right now its disgusting,. LOL
lovelovelovee <3
I'm not one to fish for compliments. But last night it made me sad, so when I got home I woke my mom up and told her to tell me I looked pretty.
I know, im vain, but whatever. LOL
We're singing karaoke tonight. cuuurazy mother seems to think i can sing, and is making me sing two hard songs tonight. So I picked two that will make her cry. Suck on that bitchhh <3
bahahha.
Hmm. Life. is. so. freaking weird.
I'm glad I've got something so awesome to look forward too, just sayin'
but yeah. Just felt like blabbing a bit. I have to run to the store, then head out, but I have a heart felt post coming later on. Like. legit, soo many things running through my mind right now its disgusting,. LOL
lovelovelovee <3
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Comments :]
I love them.
I reply to them :]
so you know, dont be a creeeper and just read. you could comment too.
HAPPPY NEVADA DAYYY!!
--oh, and happy halloween too <3
I reply to them :]
so you know, dont be a creeeper and just read. you could comment too.
HAPPPY NEVADA DAYYY!!
--oh, and happy halloween too <3
Thursday, October 29, 2009
my sister
has got to be the most ADORABLE thing in the world.
just children in general are adorable
but my sister, she really takes the cake. And if you ever want to argue that, we can go rounds. because I adore that little munchkin, even if she is a pain in my butt sometimes.
She's just so sassy, and so fun to talk to sometimes. LOL.
I know, you could think I'm lame for hanging out with an 8 year old, but I can guarantee you would want to hang out with her too. When I take her to stuff at school she has so much fun, it's adorable. LOL. And when we go to the movies, or when she tries really hard to stay up late with sissy. She's just too cute for words.
I think she's recently decided that she loves me a bunch too, because now everytime I come home she drops whatever she's doing and tackles me. Its freaking amazing. Love that kid :]
I woke up in a good mood today, and im planning on keeping it that way. Weeeeee <3
just children in general are adorable
but my sister, she really takes the cake. And if you ever want to argue that, we can go rounds. because I adore that little munchkin, even if she is a pain in my butt sometimes.
She's just so sassy, and so fun to talk to sometimes. LOL.
I know, you could think I'm lame for hanging out with an 8 year old, but I can guarantee you would want to hang out with her too. When I take her to stuff at school she has so much fun, it's adorable. LOL. And when we go to the movies, or when she tries really hard to stay up late with sissy. She's just too cute for words.
I think she's recently decided that she loves me a bunch too, because now everytime I come home she drops whatever she's doing and tackles me. Its freaking amazing. Love that kid :]
I woke up in a good mood today, and im planning on keeping it that way. Weeeeee <3
sooo
had a good talk with my mom yesterday.
turns out she was having a bad week last week, so our we both apologized.
we're good for now, but im still on the lookout for a job because i still wanna move out ;]
my halloween is going to suck
but whatever.
you know whats going to be amazing? my birthday. wanna know why? because I'll be in Pittsburgh. Which will be awesometastic :D hahaa.
i can't waiiiittttttt. And the fact that I have something to look forward to is making getting through all of this rough stuff a whole ton easier :]
turns out she was having a bad week last week, so our we both apologized.
we're good for now, but im still on the lookout for a job because i still wanna move out ;]
my halloween is going to suck
but whatever.
you know whats going to be amazing? my birthday. wanna know why? because I'll be in Pittsburgh. Which will be awesometastic :D hahaa.
i can't waiiiittttttt. And the fact that I have something to look forward to is making getting through all of this rough stuff a whole ton easier :]
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
I dont really feeel like writing anything new
So I am going to revisit something, that will hopefully make me get in the right frame of mind to fix this shit with my mom.
I love her, I really do, and after reading Bella's comment(thanksboo!) I realized its probably not all her, and I need to see both sides
So, I'm going to do my best to fix my side, and hopefully she will soon follow.
And in order for me to fix my side, I'm going to go back to a time where I truly appreciated her,
This was a paper I wrote about 10 months ago.
I want to skip with my Mommy again. I miss her. Soo much. <3
I love her, I really do, and after reading Bella's comment(thanksboo!) I realized its probably not all her, and I need to see both sides
So, I'm going to do my best to fix my side, and hopefully she will soon follow.
And in order for me to fix my side, I'm going to go back to a time where I truly appreciated her,
This was a paper I wrote about 10 months ago.
Broken Wounds
I could not pinpoint the exact day it was all fixed. I could not tell you the event that made it all okay. I probably can not even say that it is all fixed, even now. What I can tell you is that it is better. I can honestly say that it has improved tremendously. I would like to take you on a journey that I call, "my mom's sobriety."
In order for you to understand her sobriety, you have to understand what I call, "the before life." My mom worked nights at her job, so she was not home that often, but when she was, we were either fighting, or making up from the fight we had the day before. We were both really good at putting the blame for the arguments on each other, whether it was because of my laziness, or because of her attitude while she was high. Our fights always seemed to be over the most pointless things too. The fight would start off with something simple, such as me not doing the dishes, but because of my pent up anger they would escalate to screaming matches that I am sure had the neighbors wondering what had happened. Our fights were more frequent while she was coming down from a drug binge, and those would be the days I would cry my eyes out while counting down the days until college started.
I had thoughts of moving in with my aunt a few times, but I could never leave my six year old sister behind with my mom. I did not trust her enough to take care of her own daughter. I could not leave my dad behind to deal with her either, so I just had to be strong and go through the motions of pretending to be a happy little family. I did my best to make the most of my senior year of high school. I washed dishes at the Italian festival to go to homecoming. I went out with my friends as much as possible, to movies or to the park, and just stayed out of the house and stayed away from her as much as I could. Life at home kept getting worse, but I stayed collected on the outside, thinking forward to the day when I could escape.
February 19, 2008, was a turning point. No, it was not the day when it all changed, but it was the day that the first step to the road to recovery was made. Not everything clicked on this day, but this was the day my mom admitted she had a problem. I remember coming home from school that day, still mad at her from what had happened the day before. We had gone out to dinner for her birthday the night before, and she was upset because we hadn't gotten her any presents. She walked out on dinner, and walked around at the outdoor mall, while my dad called off the birthday song, and paid the bill. Dad was upset because her birthday was ruined, and I was mad that she couldn't seem to spend more then an hour with her own family without being high. When I walked through the front door, on my way to the bathroom I saw my parents sitting on their bed, both of them crying. My first thought was, "Oh great, another fight, and just another sob story that dad was going to believe." The scene in front of me instantly flared my anger, and I silently repeated, just a few more months until I moved out to myself.
Figuring Mom was going to drag me into their fight somehow, I went in my room to fold my laundry that had been sitting around for a few days. If I was going to get into trouble, I might as well soften the blow. It was while I was folding my laundry that she came into my room, with Dad right behind her. Her eyes were bloodshot, and I could not tell if that was because she was high, or if they were genuine tears coming out of her eyes. I looked past her, because I was used to not looking her in the face when she was talking, and my eyes fell upon my dads face. His eyes were lined with crimson, and that was a warning signal for me. Thoughts started racing through my head at speeds of over one hundred miles an hour. I went from thoughts of my parents getting a divorce, to getting grounded again and being grounded on my eighteenth birthday that was coming up.
Before my mom could even utter a word I turned around and started folding my laundry again. She was sobbing, and close to hyperventilation, then she said, "Tasha I need to tell you something. I'm addicted to crystal meth."
"Well, duh, I could have told you that," I thought to myself instantly.
"And, I need help."
"Ding ding ding, we have a winner."
"So I'm going to rehab." As soon as those words spilled out of her mouth, my mind came to a screeching halt, and I raced over to my mom. I do not remember if I ran or walked, but all I know is that within moments I was holding her in my arms. She looked like a weak bird that had fallen out of her nest. I just hoped that rehab would teach her how to fly.
Mom spent a few days in rehab, and many people would see that as the turning point in our relationship, but that was only to outside viewers. Of course, we talked about silly things, like boys and how school was going, and the future. The tension in the house had died down, but our relationship was still not better. We were only a few steps into the road to recovery, and I lived in fear that my mom would suddenly decide to make a U-turn. Because of this fear, I tried my hardest to not open up to her. She would always talk about the walls that she would have to learn to break down in order to strengthen herself in the long run. Little did either of my parents know, I had built up walls of my own.
My mom went to her daily meetings, and did everything she was supposed to do in order to stay sober. She was building up trust in herself and mending old relationships and friendships that had been tattered while she was still abusing. We both worked hard at getting along, although I know she worked harder. My initial thought on the entire situation was, the last seven years of damage could not, and would not be fixed in six months. In six months I would be out of her house, and I would not have to worry about mending our broken relationship. I kept my distance, praising her when she deserved it, but I was always cautious, because at any moment she could run into an old friend and take that U-turn in the road.
Eventually, I started going to the meetings with my mom. I listened to what the other people had to say about their recovery, and I learned that there were many similarities in our lives as there were in theirs. One day, when I was at a meeting, I heard my mom speak. She started sharing about how grateful she was that her family was her main support system in her recovery. I was happy that I could help my mom in the way that she needed, and it was after listening to her that one time that I started to trust her again. I learned that my mom was a strong person, and when she sets her mind on something, she can do whatever she wants to.
Right now, she wants to be sober, and I can finally believe her when she says that. My mom has many friends that look up to her because what she has accomplished in just a few short months takes many others years to learn. She has managed to find the stability she needs to stay sober, and she has stabilized many relationships that had been damaged in "The before life." I am extremely happy that I finally have that trust in my mom that I always wanted to have. I have the relationship with her that so many daughters yearn for. It took me a while, but I finally grabbed my moms hand and skipped along with her, down her road to recovery.
I want to skip with my Mommy again. I miss her. Soo much. <3
Thursday, October 22, 2009
daily daily daily
Thats my goal right now, is to start blogging daily. I need an outlet, because I'm in a funk. Once again. It always happens mid semester. I start to give up. And I recognize the signs, I really do, I just don't know how to stop it. It's really starting to annoy me that I can lose all of my mojo mid semester. My grades were doing SOOO freaking well for the first half, and they have all slipped, and I need some sort of motivation to get me going again.
You would think losing a thousand dollar scholarship and the one thing that you looked forward too would be enough motivation, but I've changes as a person.
RPC isn't as important to me anymore.
I've said it before, but there are certain places where it always feels like there's a circle and I'm always sitting right out side of it, Pushed off to the side if you will. But I've found the one place where I am laughing and standing right in the middle, and day by day more people are crowding around for a giant group hug. and that place is church. I don't know what I would be doing with my life right now if I hadn't found a passion for the children at church.
The innocent love that a child gives is the most endearing thing in the world, and the fact that there are so many children who come up to me and hug me when they see me makes my world go round. (and not in a pedo way you freaks :p) They are all so adorable, and so incredibly unique, and so loving. I feel like when I pull into the church parking lot I let out this giant sigh of relief. I feel like I'm home.
So I feel like, I need to motivate myself in my schooling to be a good example for those little ones, my munchkins as I call them, and do well in school. But UGH. this stpuid funk, I just can't get out of it.
blehh, I'm working on it. I'm going to finish all of my assignments this week. That is my goal, and step one to getting me out of my funk. And, I'll try and post everyday so that I can keep myself on my toes. LOL
anyways, I've gotta get ready for work. Thank goodness I get these extra four hours. Goodness knows I need them.
<3
You would think losing a thousand dollar scholarship and the one thing that you looked forward too would be enough motivation, but I've changes as a person.
RPC isn't as important to me anymore.
I've said it before, but there are certain places where it always feels like there's a circle and I'm always sitting right out side of it, Pushed off to the side if you will. But I've found the one place where I am laughing and standing right in the middle, and day by day more people are crowding around for a giant group hug. and that place is church. I don't know what I would be doing with my life right now if I hadn't found a passion for the children at church.
The innocent love that a child gives is the most endearing thing in the world, and the fact that there are so many children who come up to me and hug me when they see me makes my world go round. (and not in a pedo way you freaks :p) They are all so adorable, and so incredibly unique, and so loving. I feel like when I pull into the church parking lot I let out this giant sigh of relief. I feel like I'm home.
So I feel like, I need to motivate myself in my schooling to be a good example for those little ones, my munchkins as I call them, and do well in school. But UGH. this stpuid funk, I just can't get out of it.
blehh, I'm working on it. I'm going to finish all of my assignments this week. That is my goal, and step one to getting me out of my funk. And, I'll try and post everyday so that I can keep myself on my toes. LOL
anyways, I've gotta get ready for work. Thank goodness I get these extra four hours. Goodness knows I need them.
<3
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Hmm.
I absolutely love the feeling that I get when I feel like I don't belong somewhere. You know the feeling? The sinking in your stomach, the heart wrenching feeling. Everyone gets it at times. I'm perfectly fine when I get it at school, or when I'm around some of mom's friends. That's fine with me, because I can take myself out of the situation, and go to a place where I am wanted.
That place used to be home, but I can't say that anymore.
I feel like every-time I walk through the door, I'm a burden on everyone else. The only person who actually greets me anymore is Makayla.
And it isn't just a feeling, I just feel like i need to get out of this house, because my presence isn't healthy for anyone. There's rarely more then a few days go by where I'm not fighting with one of my parents, and that puts a strain on them. it's just better if I'm not here.
and before anyone gets all freaked out, I'm not suicidal, I just want to move out. So no spazzing kay?
Anyways. The other things. They may seem trivial, but they really irritate me. Mom Dad and Makayla went to get flu shots on Sunday while I was at work. I'm glad they care about my health enough to take me to get a flu shot. But apparently, that doesn't really matter. They go out and get food all the time, and don't bother to call me to see if I'm home and if I'm hungry. Half of the time, I don't want anything. But you calling and asking is sure a hell of a lot better then you coming home and trying to hide the fact that you forgot about me again, and trying to say, Oh, I didn't know you were home.
Or, that time where you made me get up at 9 during the summer, so that I wasn't missing out on the 'quality time' I had with mom. And usually, right when I woke up you were leaving to take your nap. Great 'quality time' mom. But, its okay, because I like you best when you are sleeping anyways.
Or you know, the mole that I have on my neck, that I have complained about multiple times. It hurts, really bad. I'd appreciate it if you'd at least get a dermatologist number with me. You don't have to come with or anything, and fuck, I'll pay for it. I just need to know where to go. If you haven't been able to tell, I'm worried about it. Completely worried. Like. Freaked OUT. and all I get when I mention it is an insincere 'im sorry' Thanks, really I appreciate it.
Or, my teeth. They hurt when I eat anything cold, or drink anything cold. Which is you know, all the time. So it's kind of painful. When I ask for the number for that, and tell you that I'll go by myself and schedule my own appointment, you just kind of brush it off. But if Makayla says one thing about her tooth, she has an appointment the next morning.
I'm just sayin' this is all kind of bull shit. So, I'm never home. Which I am sure makes you more upset, but I don't really care. because I have no intentions what so ever of being in a place where I don't feel welcome.
So as of today, well tomorrow, because today is full. I'm going to be looking for a job. A job that will pay me around $700 a month so that I can move out. Because, this shit isn't healthy, and I think we've all learned that the family gets along better when I'm not home.
That place used to be home, but I can't say that anymore.
I feel like every-time I walk through the door, I'm a burden on everyone else. The only person who actually greets me anymore is Makayla.
And it isn't just a feeling, I just feel like i need to get out of this house, because my presence isn't healthy for anyone. There's rarely more then a few days go by where I'm not fighting with one of my parents, and that puts a strain on them. it's just better if I'm not here.
and before anyone gets all freaked out, I'm not suicidal, I just want to move out. So no spazzing kay?
Anyways. The other things. They may seem trivial, but they really irritate me. Mom Dad and Makayla went to get flu shots on Sunday while I was at work. I'm glad they care about my health enough to take me to get a flu shot. But apparently, that doesn't really matter. They go out and get food all the time, and don't bother to call me to see if I'm home and if I'm hungry. Half of the time, I don't want anything. But you calling and asking is sure a hell of a lot better then you coming home and trying to hide the fact that you forgot about me again, and trying to say, Oh, I didn't know you were home.
Or, that time where you made me get up at 9 during the summer, so that I wasn't missing out on the 'quality time' I had with mom. And usually, right when I woke up you were leaving to take your nap. Great 'quality time' mom. But, its okay, because I like you best when you are sleeping anyways.
Or you know, the mole that I have on my neck, that I have complained about multiple times. It hurts, really bad. I'd appreciate it if you'd at least get a dermatologist number with me. You don't have to come with or anything, and fuck, I'll pay for it. I just need to know where to go. If you haven't been able to tell, I'm worried about it. Completely worried. Like. Freaked OUT. and all I get when I mention it is an insincere 'im sorry' Thanks, really I appreciate it.
Or, my teeth. They hurt when I eat anything cold, or drink anything cold. Which is you know, all the time. So it's kind of painful. When I ask for the number for that, and tell you that I'll go by myself and schedule my own appointment, you just kind of brush it off. But if Makayla says one thing about her tooth, she has an appointment the next morning.
I'm just sayin' this is all kind of bull shit. So, I'm never home. Which I am sure makes you more upset, but I don't really care. because I have no intentions what so ever of being in a place where I don't feel welcome.
So as of today, well tomorrow, because today is full. I'm going to be looking for a job. A job that will pay me around $700 a month so that I can move out. Because, this shit isn't healthy, and I think we've all learned that the family gets along better when I'm not home.
Monday, August 17, 2009
This is WHY I love them :]
What's good family, this is Michael, Alexander, Jason and Andrew here... and after touring the country this summer, it is official: we are in love with all of you.
We have been so busy grinding on the JB World Tour AND the Full Moon Crazy Tour, that we wanted to take time out to make sure you know we haven't forgotten about any of you! Know that the band that brought you the 'Gentlemen's Club', the 'Under the Sun, Under the Stars' tour and Frozone Johnstone III, is still alive and well. There is more where that came from and it is going to be coming at you in the next couple weeks. Please enjoy the freshest content we have to offer... certified organic and packed with vitamins 'D', 'U', and 'H'.
This is our commitment to you, our fans. You pour out so much love and energy for us and we want to return the favor by giving you the best that we have. That commitment starts with our music and as most of you know we've only put out one EP, 'A Tale of Risky Business' in the two years that we have been a band... but that is all about to change.
Honestly guys, the album we've now made, is the album that we have always dreamed of making... not only for us, but for all of you. This has been a long journey that we have shared with all of you and on September 15th, when FASHIONABLY LATE hits stores, know that it is your record. It was written and recorded for you... FASHIONABLY LATE is for everyone that has supported us along the way and for every new fan that takes a chance on us. We poured our heart and soul into every note, and we made sure that we came out with a record that you all would love from start to finish.
So look out for all of it... new Gentlemen's Clubs, more YouTube skits, more PPP's, more catch phrases (no duh), more touring (fall tour plans are already in the works) and of course... FASHIONABLY LATE. Make an investment in your social life and pre-order it at www.honorsocietymerch.com and show all the people that believe in us right now what HONOR SOCIETY FANS are made of! We're doing this together just like we always have, Two Rebels right?
Goodnight, we love you, its now time for us to brush up on our gentlemanly code, drink some warm milk and dream about you!
Your Summer Crush,
HONOR SOCIETY
We have been so busy grinding on the JB World Tour AND the Full Moon Crazy Tour, that we wanted to take time out to make sure you know we haven't forgotten about any of you! Know that the band that brought you the 'Gentlemen's Club', the 'Under the Sun, Under the Stars' tour and Frozone Johnstone III, is still alive and well. There is more where that came from and it is going to be coming at you in the next couple weeks. Please enjoy the freshest content we have to offer... certified organic and packed with vitamins 'D', 'U', and 'H'.
This is our commitment to you, our fans. You pour out so much love and energy for us and we want to return the favor by giving you the best that we have. That commitment starts with our music and as most of you know we've only put out one EP, 'A Tale of Risky Business' in the two years that we have been a band... but that is all about to change.
Honestly guys, the album we've now made, is the album that we have always dreamed of making... not only for us, but for all of you. This has been a long journey that we have shared with all of you and on September 15th, when FASHIONABLY LATE hits stores, know that it is your record. It was written and recorded for you... FASHIONABLY LATE is for everyone that has supported us along the way and for every new fan that takes a chance on us. We poured our heart and soul into every note, and we made sure that we came out with a record that you all would love from start to finish.
So look out for all of it... new Gentlemen's Clubs, more YouTube skits, more PPP's, more catch phrases (no duh), more touring (fall tour plans are already in the works) and of course... FASHIONABLY LATE. Make an investment in your social life and pre-order it at www.
Goodnight, we love you, its now time for us to brush up on our gentlemanly code, drink some warm milk and dream about you!
Your Summer Crush,
HONOR SOCIETY
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
apparently
Matt Cooney is a creeper and found my blog.
welll, its nothing too embarassing, i guess so whatever. I'll fix that thing he told me to fix, but i'm not deleting anything else
some people say that you shouldn't search for the truth unless you really want to know, so if someone is going to read this, then heyy, go ahead. i really don't care. you'll probably just read a shit load of emotions that I have, like any other normal person. You will probably see a bunch of curse words too. Oh well, deal with it. My blog doesn't come with a disclaimer, because it's for me to read, not anyone else. So, if your reading it, you can deal with whatever information you may seem to find.
<3
welll, its nothing too embarassing, i guess so whatever. I'll fix that thing he told me to fix, but i'm not deleting anything else
some people say that you shouldn't search for the truth unless you really want to know, so if someone is going to read this, then heyy, go ahead. i really don't care. you'll probably just read a shit load of emotions that I have, like any other normal person. You will probably see a bunch of curse words too. Oh well, deal with it. My blog doesn't come with a disclaimer, because it's for me to read, not anyone else. So, if your reading it, you can deal with whatever information you may seem to find.
<3
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